Wednesday, September 08, 2010

My Heart is SO Happy Tonight

So, I shared a pretty big chunk of my testimony tonight with the girls in the core study. Maybe I should back pedal for just a second...

With the highschool girls we are reading Every Young Woman's Battle. It is an incredible book that gets very real with issues so many young woman struggle with and either feel absolutely alone or so ashamed that they never open up. These issues are often burdens they carry for a long time and Satan uses these as tools to lead girls astray and causes them to doubt our Savior. Filled with personal stories and unabashedly approaching stories that many shy away from, the authors break down barriers that can literally save a girls life. I am so excited to continue to see how hearts are changed and watch these girls get drenched in the love of the Holy Spirit and the true redemption that comes along with it.

Back to where I started. I shared a large portion of my testimony with the girls and leaders that were there tonight. A story for me that is emotionally draining to tell. Each time I speak about it I am brought back to moments and feelings of pain loneliness depression and shame that are still very real today.

In fact when I first started opening up with my testimony earlier this year, I would often spiral into a brief depression very shortly after sharing. The wounds that are very real to this day can still be easily infected with Satan's poison if I don't continue to apply the healing creme of God's Word. Eventually I continued to heal through telling my story and the depression began to lessen. It was still a feat to get through without tears in the middle of speaking and almost always followed by a complete breakdown immediately after.

The reason I tell you this is because tonight, I got through the story without tears and even several hours later there isn't one tear drop to speak of. Instead my heart is filled with the joy of the healing power of Christ! I was moved to tears a few times this week as God really laid on my heart that it was time to share more openly with the girls, but even then the tears were those of recognition of my ability to be strong in my weakness and how humbled I am that God would use a sinner like me to hopefully speak to young women that could be hurting like I was. I continue to be so encouraged by my sisters in Christ, both big and little. I wouldn't be able to continue to grow and heal without both God and the amazing community of believers around me.

I am so humbled by the continual grace and mercy that the Lord has poured into my life. And the amazing restoration He has worked through my heart. I no longer have to be identified by my sin because I am a daughter of THE KING. The maker of the universe loves me and died for me so that He can be glorified through my flesh.

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20